The Personal Side of NASA


By Phil Konstantin



NASA. It is hard to say without inspiring a little awe. "NASA" conjures up 
images of phenomenal feats in space and, unfortunately, heartrending tragedy.
But there is another side to NASA and the people that work there — a
human side.

Charles "Pete" Conrad has enjoyed a prestigious and varied career with NASA. 
He was on the Gemini 5 and 11 missions, the Apollo 12 mission and the first
Skylab mission (oddly enough it was called Skylab 2). Pete has even
done television commercials for Nikon and American Express ("Do
you know me? I once walked on the moon").

During his stay aboard Skylab, Pete went through some very serious withdrawal 
pains. His object of dependency? Butter cookies! It started simply. Pete was 
talking to his wife, Jane.

Houston: "Pete, your wife wants to talk to you."

Houston (Jane): "Happy birthday, Pete. Are you through eating?"

Skylab (Pete): "Yeah, I'm finished."

Houston: "What did you have?"

Skylab: "I had spaghetti and I'm holding two extra butter cookies
tonight to eat with my ice cream to celebrate my birthday."
(Pete was the first astronaut to eat ice cream in space.)
After every meal, the Skylab astronauts had to report exactly
what they ate to the doctors and the medical experts on the ground.

Houston: "Could you give us your meal consumption list?"

Skylab: "Sure. Conrad: 100 grams filet mignon, substitute four butter cookies 
for spinach, substitute butter cookies for broccoli, etc."

But then things began to get serious.

Skylab: "We"ve been having a very serious discussion. We want
to make sure, make very sure that Ticonderoga (their recovery ship)
has a large enough supply of butter cookies on board to handle us."

Houston: "Hey, Pete, I tried to eat them out of those things and
never could. So, I'm sure they'll have enough for you."

Eventually the inevitable happened: Pete ran out of butter cookies.

All the astronauts are given some medical training in case of
emergencies. Late one evening, one of Pete's fellow crew members called 
Houston and informed them that Pete was going through what
appeared to be withdrawal symptoms. When asked what he thought
was causing the problem, he replied, "Well, he keeps complaining
about not being able to find any more butter cookies."

Well, Houston then asked Pete's crew members to search throughout Skylab for the 
many places where the butter cookies had been stored. After a thorough search, it
was discovered that Pete had found every cache of butter cookies in
the Skylab storage system.

The suggestion from Houston? Sugar cookies.

Too bad! Pete had eaten those, too.

 * * * * * *

On Apollo 16 there was broadcast a most unusual monolog. These comments were not meant
for anyone in particular, but were the idle chatter of one of the astronauts while 
performing some routine and boring tasks. I don't believe even he knew that the 
microphone was on.

"You know, I don't mind the rigorous training I had to go
through to get this job. I don't mind being cooped up with two
smelly guys. I don't mind the low pay we get when compared to the
skills we must have. I don't mind being away from my kids most of
the time. I can put up with being separated from my wife for three
months due to the quarantine. I can even handle the possibility
that I could very easily be killed out here in space. But I'm not going
to drink anymore of that G-- D— Tang!"

During Apollo 14, the medical people realized that the astronauts
were getting dangerously low in certain elements in their bodies
from prolonged weightlessness. It was decided to put chemicals in
the Tang. To be properly absorbed, the dose had to be very large. And,
notwithstanding the old television commercials (for those of you old
enough to remember them), one of the astronauts said drinking this
"new" Tang was like chewing a piece of gum with the aluminum
foil still on it.

I have often wondered if the orange rocks that were found by
the Apollo 17 crew might have been Tang dumped by the Apollo
16 crew.

 * * * *

During a routine press conference, a reporter once asked a question that still makes 
me wonder about that kind of psychological effect it had on the astronauts. "How does 
it feel going into space in a rocket that was built by the lowest bidder?"

* * * * *

The standard procedure to wake up the astronauts in Skylab was to
play some music down the line and then for the "Capcom" (Capsule Communicator 
— the only person on the direct communications line to the astronauts. He was also
a member of the backup crew) to ask the astronauts if they were up
yet. The astronauts had an alarm clock and were supposed to set it
each day so they would not get behind schedule.

After a particularly long previous day's work, the astronauts did not wake up at 
the first call. So, Houston played another song and then called again. Again, no
answer. Nor was there any response after playing the Marine Corps Hymn, The National 
Anthem, America the Beautiful, Anchors Aweigh, the Air Force Hymn or even Stagger Lee.

After about 30 minutes of continued efforts to contact the Skylab crew, a rather 
sleepy voice said, "Houston, this is Skylab. What can we do for you?" The answer was,
"Wake up!"

The next day when it came time to wake up the astronauts, the
Capcom played some soothing music and said, "Skylab, this is
Houston." A very sultry female voice responded, "Houston, this is
Skylab. What can I do for you?"

The Capcom did a double take and looked at the flight controller
next to him to see if he had heard it also. He had. So, Capcom said
with a distinct question in his voice, "Skylab, this is Houston.
Are you guys awake up there?"

Again, the female voice, "Houston, this is Skylab. To whom did
you wish to speak?" Houston: "Uh, well, anyone that's up." Female:
"Excuse me for a minute Houston. Honey, Houston wants to speak to
you." There was a pause, then, "Houston, he wants to know what
you want?" Houston: "Well, to be honest, I don't remember!"

During the night, one of the astronauts had had a completely
private talk with his wife. And during their talk, to get back at
the ground crew for harassing them about oversleeping, the astronaut
recorded his wife's voice saying several things that could fit any
greeting the Capcom might send up.

* * * * *

During the wait between the landing of Apollo 11 and Neil Armstrong's first step 
on the moon, there was a great amount of impatience by almost everyone watching 
television for Neil to hurry up and get out. There was a delay of
several hours between the landing and those historical first steps on
the moon. What was going on during that time?

Well, there were lots of technical things and tests that had to be
done before egress, but the best explanation I ever heard came from
Neil's wife. When one of Armstrong's sons asked, "Why is daddy
taking so long?" his wife, Janet, said, "Oh, Daddy's still trying to
think of something to say."



September 1988