CHP Chain of Command

This is a parody and is intended to be funny. I did not write it. It was sent to me by someone who worked at CHP headquarters. I have a great deal of respect for everyone in the CHP "Chain of Command."

Sergeant
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on Water
Gives policy to God

Lieutenant
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the seas are calm
Talks with God

Captain
Leaps short building with a running start & favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is granted

Assistant Chief
Makes high marks when trying to leap tall buildings
Loses tug-o-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

Chief
Barely clears carport
Can buy a train ticket
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

Assistant Commissioner
Runs into buildings
Can recognize a locomative two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat without a life preserver
Talks to walls

Commissioner
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "look at the choo-choo"
Wets self with a water pistol
plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to self

Officer
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Juggles locomotives
Catches speeding bullets on the run with teeth and eats them
Can freeze or boil water with a single glance
Is God

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